Topsy Turvy

lots of things going on..things are overwhelming.. i try catching up with it but I am no good at running..so I just watch it pass right in front of me..ungrabable you know, TIME.. I need a getaway so I can get away from all this.. and I'm counting days for it!

new friends are great, but
sometimes they can be pretty much pain in the ears.. they talk a LOT so they didnt have much time to listen, even to themselves. no biggie. i’m used to that.

old friends are busy, but there’s always time to catch up with each other..

families are the best. have some ups and downs but blood is thicker than my patience, so i persevere -

job?
looking for a new one.wish me luck!

Merancang..

Semua orang ada perancangan. Mesti ada perancangan. Hidup mesti ada tujuan. Tapi tak semua orang dapat menyempurnakan hasrat dan tujuan hidup. Kita manusia. Manusia hanya mampu merancang. Cuma Allah yang berupaya menentukan hala tuju perancangan kita. Seteliti mana pun perancangan, sekuat mana pun keazaman, dan setaksub mana pun kita dengan perancangan yang kita buat, kalau Allah tak izinkan maka perancangan iti takkan menemui kejayaan. Kun fayakun. Semua dah tertulis untuk kita sejak azali. Qada' dan qadar. Sekiranya perrjalanan hidup kita berjalan seperti yang dirancang, Alhamdulillah. Jikalau perancangan kita mengalami kepayahan, rintangan dan kegagalan, percayalah bahawa perancangan Allah untuk kita lebih baik dari perancangan yang kita buat. Setiap yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. Jangan terlalu yakin dengan perancangan yang telah kita buat kerana jika ditakdirkan tidak seperti yang diharapkan atau menemui jalan buntu, hati akan hancur luluh dan punah, iman akan goyah, keyakinan akan luntur dan pertimbangan mula kabur. Perlu sabar ; peringatan untuk diri sendiri. Perlu memohon, berdoa dan tawakal kepada Allah setelah berusaha ; juga peringatan untuk diri sendiri.

“Tidak ada yang putus asa dari rahmat Tuhannya melainkan orang yang sesat.” (Surah Al-Hijr, ayat 56) 

Tiada daya dan upaya kecuali beserta Allah.

chidapunyasukala

...of Stay-up Pills and Sing-along Song

dance to the beat and sing your heart out. problems can wait....

..of The Beach and The Waterfall

no matter how salty or tasteless the water is from both ends, they'll meet in the middle someday....

chidapunyasukala

...of the Empty Glass and Empty Mind

try filling the glass with water when you want milk
thirst quenching, but your thirst of milk is still there
you surely drink the milk if you see any right now, 
eventhough your thirst are now all gone
it's the thing you want.
even if you know you're not going to drink it at the moment
you will still take it, saving for later

you'll hide the milk from other's sight
in fears others might took it, or even dare eyeing on it

let  it cold in the fridge, or serve it nice with ice
oooohhh...even the thought of it is refreshing!



you did'nt even thank the water that drench your throat.....

chidapunyasukala

..of Forgetting and Remembering

remember

to pray
to live

to love

to forgive

to smile

to laugh

to dream

to think

to work hard

to persevere

to stay calm

to loosen up

to chill

to take a break

 to follow your hearts desire

to dream

forget

anger

jealousy

things that upset you

your crush

your ex

embarrassing moments

things that don't matter
sadness
pain

live life to the fullest,enjoy to the max!

chidapunyasukala

Life is like a wheel..

Betul kata orang tua-tua, 


"tolonglah orang yg dalam kesusahan,satu hari nanti kalo kita yang dalam kesusahan orang akan tolong kita pulak.."


Betul. Betul sangat-sangat. Even kesusahan tu tak jadi pada diri aku sendiri, tapi jadi kat family aku..and lucky enough ade orang yang baik hati yang mampu menolong on the spot. Memang suma orang pun cuak lah mase tu.Benda ni bukan boleh buat main-main. Tapi tak kisah la sume tu, yang aq nak highlight kat sini things that happen last night memang exactly the same yang happen to my friend that i helped years ago. EXACTLY the same situation. kakak aku dah cuak lebih dah..aku pun pening dah fikir. Tapi tu lah, what goes around comes around. To be honest aku tak risau sangat pun semalam..siyes tak risau,cuma dok pening la kejap fikir.Tercungap2 jugak la berlari semalam...Syukur Allah tu Maha Mengetahui segala apa yang berlaku. Syukur Allah bukakkan hati seorang manusia ni untuk menolong kami. Semoga Allah ampunkan semua dosa dia dan tunjukkan dia jalan yang benar, luruskan dia dari kesesatan. Aku ikhlas, dia orang yang baik. So moral of the story, tak salah tolong orang. Mungkin satu hari nanti kita akan ditimpa dengan kesusahan yang sama tara, Allah akan hantar seseorang pulak untuk tolong kita.. :)



chidapunyasukala

Listen..NOT!!!

people tend to forget or they just simply don't care..it's hard to find people who would really truly listen to you. they like to tell stories, and i like listening to it, but when it comes my turn, i feel like they don't give a damn.. they do listen, but i can see the insincerity in their face and the fake smile in the end of my stories when they saw me look at them for their respond.. and the most annoying thing, the uninterested sound they make when you're telling your stories.. that's the bad side of being able to read people..it made you feel awful but u have to pretend that u didn't even notice it..and that is why from now on, i'm gonna forbid myself from sharing stories that are not important to tell ( it's hard, but i'm gonna try my best )..

hey, i am a good listener, but don't forget,

i am an excellent storyteller too..

chidapunyasukala

The Things Which Are't Love..(reblog)

Your salary is not love and your word is not love. Your clothes are not love and holding hands is not love. Sex is not love and a kiss is not love. Long letters are not love and a text is not love. Flowers are not love and a box of chocolates is not love. Sunsets are not love and photographs are not love. The stars are not love and a beach under the moonlight is not love. The smell of someone else on your pillow is not love and the feeling of their skin touching your skin is not love. Heart-shaped candy is not love and an overseas holiday is not love. The truth is not love and winning an argument is not love. Warm coffee isn't love and cheap cards bought from stores are not love.  Tears are not love and laughter is not love. A head on a shoulder is not love and messages written at the front of books given as gifts are not love. Apathy is not love and numbness is not love. A pain in your chest is not love and clenching your fist is not love. Rain is not love.

Only you. Only you, are love.

~reblog from I Wrote This For You. nice one..

Blank

 so many words i want to write, so many things i want to tell

but all seems stuck in my head

...i can feel it racing,cramming at the narrow tube of thought

        waiting to burst out,

        all of it

        at once

    

but all the commotions created a stampede in the mind, mixing it all together

just like colors

when all mixed up in a swirl, the only thing that left

                       is blank 

chidapunyasukala

Trust

This is the first time I've been lied by the person whom I supposed to trust and I trusted without any objection and she lied right in my face and I totally believe in what she said until I found out the ugly truth and how horrible a person she really is and what exactly she have done and that she twisted the story and made a fool of me but luckily i met the truth and I've been told about it and i feel so sick looking at her right now and I don't think I have anyone to trust there anymore...

I WANT OUT.

chidapunyasukala

Britney,baby......

i'm soooooooooooooo busy..tapi otak blank,dlm kepala xleh nak masuk ape pon..friday fever kot..hfffffffffphhh

~ my busyness is killing me

i must confess, please now kill me

when i am busy i lose my mind

give me peace of miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind

fire me boss this one time~!

chidapunyasukala

Whale of time

having a time for myself doesn't mean spending the time all by myself

chidapunyasukala

Alone in the crowd..

chidapunyasukala

Wrong Move,

..Looks like the decision i made just now was a bad one, it really does poke a hole in my heart..

Oh stop it, you!

have you ever be in the moment where someone said things like these :

" i'm doing this only because of you "

or

" i'm  here and so glad to see you, everybody else doesn't matter "

i've been in this situation, twice. and each time, in my heart i cry the tears of joy..

~thank you friends! I really feel appreciated. :')

chidapunyasukala

TRANSITION

-aku ingat kau

-kau hitam (gelap)

-kamu mulut bising

-tau nak mengamok je 

-muka nmpk bengis lg

I AM STILL THE SAME PERSON.I JUST LEARN SELF-CONTROL AND NOT TO TAKE THINGS TOO SERIOUSLY.IF YOU SEE ME ANYWHERE DON'T BE AFRAID TO SAY HI.YOU WILL BE SURPRISE BECAUSE THERE'S MORE THAN MEETS THE EYES.

*just realize how messed up i am as a child.haha..kecik-kecik dah bengis sampai that become the first thought of me a person that haven't seen me for more than 10 years can remember.

chidapunyasukala

2 days

6 months in 2 days..

- can 2 days cover the 6 months' time?

if you want, it can..

if you try, it can..

- were there enough time in those 2 days to do everything that you have planned in the last 6months?

of course the answer is no. actually nothing's done according to plan..we just go with what came across our mind that time..

- it went well?

there's the ups and downs..we just have to look pass the 'downs' and enjoy the 'ups' moments..

- the best part of all?

for me i would say the first day when we gather up at one table,having good food and a long chat..catching up with each other.everybody's laughing their heart out regardless of other people watching..that's the best thing..

- will you do this all over again?

 HECK YEAH!!!but hopefully i don't have to wait for it for another 6 months..

HOW ABOUT YOU?

chidapunyasukala 

FACEPUNCH!

I think I HAVE to have this book...

chidapunyasukala

Is It This or Is It That..?!

 I had a dream this early morning..
A dream so alarming that it woke me up from my slumber. A dream so frightening that it make me shiver. A dream so shocking that it makes me feel sick to the bones. There's this saying, if you dream after dawn (or accurately after Subuh ) it is definitely the works of the God-damn Satan. But instead, the dream made me come to a realization, of all things that I've done...May Allah forgive me for all of that..




~still can't for get the stare 




chidapunyasukala

There's Been A Brawl at The Opposite Desks

I am just a watcher. An audience. With popcorns in my hand. And the water bottle by my side. 
And a smug in my face. 

chidapunyasukala

I Miss..

I want to be on the stage,

Performing, singing or acting..

Even though it is nerve-wrecking 

but the adrenaline-pumping when i'm doing it

satisfy every running blood in my vein

even though i am not good at it :)

...pffttt, what am i saying?

I forgot that I'm actually acting everyday,

putting a fake smile in my face,

faking a laugh, reading the dialogue of lies

on a big stage called LIFE.

chidapunyasukala

A Letter To a Friend..

Dear Friend,


           It has been awhile since we met. How are you doing? I hope you are in a pink of health. I heard you have moved to a new place. Hope i'll have the chance to crash at your new place someday. Anyway, i feel like writing to you. I'm sorry if this letter bugs your serene life. I just feel like you are not you that i once know. I feel weird being around the new you when we last met,which was quite a while ago. But maybe it's just you, the real side of you that i never know. Somehow, I do feel the need to apologize to you. I am sorry if I ever offended you in a way that i never realize. I am sorry if the way that i speak annoys you. And I am really sorry if the way I explain something that I know or I have sounds like I'm bragging to you about it. I really didn't mean it. If you still feel offended by that then you really didn't understand me at all. You know, I was really taken aback by your word when I met you a early this year. After a long time we haven't met each other. You tell me a story about a friend of yours that i don't know who but the way you telling it to me seems like you been meaning to tell me that I am that particular person or I am just like the person in the story, I don't know why. You know how fast I can read people,right? And that's not just it, you also downgraded me in a way,well..we both know how you reacted that time. I mean, come on!! What have I done that offend you so much, really?? I have no clue at all. Are you jealous of me? Oh,If I were you, I will never be jealous of me. No dude,seriously. You earn more than me, you spend less than me, and you even have a steady boyfriend which I don't have right now,bitch!! Sorry for the language, I got carried away a bit. I don't know what the reason was and I even if I do want to know I don't care if you'll never gonna tell but as far as I know, you are still my friend. Even if you don't think of me as your friend I don't mind because you will always be my friend. Forever. And if you read this, which you probably wouldn't I want you to know from deep down the bottom of my heart inside, I am sorry for everything.

Sincerely,

chidapunyasukala

Decision..

Going back home last weekend is not such a bad thing after all...not bad at all!

chidapunyasukala

True Story...

chidapunyasukala

You Think?!

"Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them but you know they're always there."

"A best friend is like a four leaf clover; hard to find and lucky to have."

"Best friends are like a fairytale. They've been there since once upon a time and will be there until ever after."

....somehow i found all these quotes and more of its kind a bit irrelevant this days,i don't know why

chidapunyasukala

Strong Heart

Some pain, they never goes away but the more you keep telling everybody about it, the more tougher you can live with it..

chidapunyasukala

What My Friends Think of Me as

thanks to those who painstakingly pondering on how to answer this sacred question. i really appreciate it. and to those who did not answer..it's ok.at least i know u never thought of me.





chidapunyasukala

what tha'....????

Then

whenever i speak or try to explain something;

"u dont have to shout..(eyes rolling)"

"dont be angry with me! (teary eyes)"

"im just asking, no need to be mad! geez..(disgusted face)"

Now

whenever i speak or try to explain something;

"can you speak louder please??"

"i cannot hear you, can you speak up??"

"u wanna speak or not,seriously?"

chidapunyasukala

;)

chidapunyasukala

Waiting....

even if i mention it like a gazillion times
i still have to do it
even if it gets me on my nerve
i often left with no choice but to do it
even it torture me, creeps underneath my skin, and screams loathsomeness
i have no options  
but to do it.


GOD, I HATE WAITING!!!!






chidapunyasukala

I Nailed It! But....

When people told me that i was good at something, i am kind of skeptic about it an this questions will immediately popped up in my head,

"Am I really that good?"

I'ts not like i have problems in trusting people or believing in what others said, its just like..you know...actually i don't know how to put it in words. I always judge myself the way i judge other people. Putting myself in somebody else's shoes and try to figure out what would they think if they see me act my way. It makes me self-concious at times, and also keep me on the ground and help me to behave.At times. And at times, I dont give a single fuck. Well, most of the time. :)

Anyways, i nailed the job interview at the company. I thought i would jump in excitement. Apparently, i don't. But that's typically me. I think i just become attached to my present job that its kinda sad to let go (just like other previous jobs). But as the saying goes, life must go on..so, kita ENJOY!!

chidapunyasukala

I Got A Feeling~~

the feeling that when you do something u never imagine u'll be doing and u did it spontaneously on the spot and you just go with the flow and it worked out and it excites you and the people you doing that something for, like it..its just out of this world!





chidapunyasukala

~I Wrote This For You.Really.

 

 

 

I wrote this for you.Really. For the one thing you want the most - the book. I spent hours doing this using Paint because i am so lousy at editing but i'm doing this for you. If I manage to win it i'll gave it to you as your wedding gift. No kidding,sis. This is really for you...

chidapunyasukala

Another..

Now, instead of two chances/choices,another one comes along rolling to my feet....
~if ada rezeki,ada la.....if not,everything happens for a reason..ada rahmat disebalik kejadian..



chidapunyasukala

Road to Be Taken..

Just like the diverged road, my heart is torn apart

It's my future on the stake, i have to choose smart

if i choose one path, will the road not taken promise better

or will the difference made by taking the less traveled by differ in a lot of good matter? 

but my concern is, is the path that i'll choose the right one for me

or will i regret my choice for the rest of eternity

~Ya Allah,please guide me..

chidapunyasukala

Geek Much??

Come across Geeky Bids ad from a file hosting website, click on the ad by sheer curiosity. It's actually an auction website with every item bidding from RM0.00, every bidding session increase RM0.01 cent. I got 10 free bids once  i sign up an account. Here how it works.

• All auctions start at RM0.00.
• You then place a bid.
• Each bid you place will increase the current price by RM0.01.
• The countdown timer resets everytime a new bid is placed.
• If the countdown timer reaches 00:00:00 and no new bids are placed, then the last bidder wins the right to buy the product at the final auction price.
• Winner gets back 100% of his/her bids as well.

 So if you are like me trying to look for cheaper bargains for hi tech gadgets, head over to this link here now!

i wanna redeem my bids now,hehehe..

chidapunyasukala

All Mad..

chidapunyasukala

Hari Ini, Aku Tewas Dengan Nafsu...

aku kalah..

walaupun sebenarnya aku boleh menang

tapi aku kalah

terikut-ikut, terbawa-bawa

sebab aku aku nak

tapi kemahuan tu satu dosa

aku tau

tapi aku nak jugak

padahal aku dah mengingatkan diri sendiri

dah tanam dalam kepala

tapi akal dah kabur

keinginan dah bermaharajalela

hari ini, aku tewas dengan nafsu...

chidapunyasukala

Life-To-Do-List..

New Year's Resolution

..and its already resolve!!!

Woohooooo!!!!!!

chidapunyasukala

What's Wrong With Me

Lately, my thoughts have gone mixed up. LITERALLY. I always lost in my own world,day dreaming alot and sometimes at time i was focusing on something (like work) suddenly i drift away far from the subject. I'm a little bit freaked out myself and I have no idea what's happening to me actually. I even think that my intelligence level have decrease a bit (hopefully not) to the point that I feel embarrassed reading essays that i wrote when i was still in high-school. My vocab are also not expanding a lot. I sometimes stutter or slur on words when I talk too. Its whether the jelly-like tissue that gluing my braincells together have lost a bit of their elasticity or I'm hibernating my learning button or I'm just not absorbing knowledge anymore or there really is something wrong with my brains..

Just hoping that I'm not shutting down...

chidapunyasukala

'Twas The Day After Xmas~

'Twas The Day After Xmas

.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

like this post, it's empty.

chidapunyasukala

Bella

"eh,dik!bila potong rambut?cam comey plak akak tengok.."

"eh,u oso beautiful what?see, yo face is full one, so cute!" (cubit-cubit,tepuk-tepuk)

"u very pretty today.."

                                                    ~sengih,~

chidapunyasukala

Allah is The Greatest..

Dah seminggu aq plan untuk buat dosa this weekend. And i've been waiting the day to come so excitedly sampai sanggup ambik emergency leave on friday sebab tak sabar sangat. Tapi when the day come aq jadi takut sikit,but still as excited as i was before. So, as planned aq pun keluar la dengan confident untuk buat dosa,kononnya it's the first and the last la..Sampai je, kat tempat yang dijanjikan, Allah punya kuasa aq kena menunggu pulak..aq pun tunggu la, nasib baik makanan sedap..for 1 friggin' hour aq tunggu,nampak sangat Allah tak izin..aq pn fed-up tunggu and pegi layan movie cita Alvin & the Chipmunks.(by the way, cita tu tak best..what a waste of my 10bucks). then tengah tengok tu baru dia mengada-ngada datang..i am kind of piss off and biarkan je dia tunggu sampai cita habis..then lepas habis tu pulak aq yang kena pegi mencari pulak..arghhhh! so pergilah aq...and then there it was, and as if a lightning bolt struck my head and aq rasa Allah sayang gila kat aq time tu, i look at it and  i feel...NOTHING. not as how i feel before,completely nothing...i don't know why tapi Allah maha Besar, maybe there is something wrong with me or something is definitely wrong about it yang tetiba melenyapkan langsung segala apa rasa yang aq ada..until this very moment im writing,still i didnt feel anything anymore about it.but i am so grateful that Allah has led me into not committing and adding more sin and i feel so blessed right now..
Alhamdulillah..Thank You Ya Allah!!

Unusual...

today,

everything was far from usual

the glistening glare from the moving car window

the stationary tree leaves on a windy day

the gloomy sunflower on the desk corner

the tainted glass door

the black screen

the silent phone

me.

chidapunyasukala

The Garbage I Become..

This i quoted from a blog called iwrotethisforyou..nice one,

Now the TV's on at 3am and you're sleeping on the couch, because you can.

Now the plate is where you left it, no one else is going to move it for you.

Now the politics of blankets are gone.

Now the people on the radio sound so far away.

Now you've got no plans when you wake up, just keep on keeping on.

Now the morning fades to light, to twilight, to night.

Now you rinse and repeat.

Now you remove the sleeve and remove the film.

Now you remove the sleeve and pierce the film several times.

Now dinner takes exactly 2:30 minutes.

Now the earth hurtles through the universe around a giant ball of fire.

Now none of your acquaintances know they're really your only friends.

Now none of your friends know they're just acquaintances.

Now you've got to get used to being alone, like when you're born, like when you die.

Now you're free.

Now you can do whatever you want.

You just have to do it alone.

chidapunyasukala

Before I Met You..

before i met you,

time moves fast

days so soon last

anger unmanageable

sorrow uncontainable

words cannot be trust

mind seems began to rust

each second pass in waste

living life in such a haste

things were just things

life has little meaning

before i met you,

i never care much

i never felt touched

i always have doubts

i often wonder about

never felt that i am tough

never thought that i would be in love

but hey,

i told you,right?

that was before i met you..

chidapunysukala