What's Wrong With Me

Lately, my thoughts have gone mixed up. LITERALLY. I always lost in my own world,day dreaming alot and sometimes at time i was focusing on something (like work) suddenly i drift away far from the subject. I'm a little bit freaked out myself and I have no idea what's happening to me actually. I even think that my intelligence level have decrease a bit (hopefully not) to the point that I feel embarrassed reading essays that i wrote when i was still in high-school. My vocab are also not expanding a lot. I sometimes stutter or slur on words when I talk too. Its whether the jelly-like tissue that gluing my braincells together have lost a bit of their elasticity or I'm hibernating my learning button or I'm just not absorbing knowledge anymore or there really is something wrong with my brains..

Just hoping that I'm not shutting down...

chidapunyasukala

'Twas The Day After Xmas~

'Twas The Day After Xmas

.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

like this post, it's empty.

chidapunyasukala

Bella

"eh,dik!bila potong rambut?cam comey plak akak tengok.."

"eh,u oso beautiful what?see, yo face is full one, so cute!" (cubit-cubit,tepuk-tepuk)

"u very pretty today.."

                                                    ~sengih,~

chidapunyasukala

Allah is The Greatest..

Dah seminggu aq plan untuk buat dosa this weekend. And i've been waiting the day to come so excitedly sampai sanggup ambik emergency leave on friday sebab tak sabar sangat. Tapi when the day come aq jadi takut sikit,but still as excited as i was before. So, as planned aq pun keluar la dengan confident untuk buat dosa,kononnya it's the first and the last la..Sampai je, kat tempat yang dijanjikan, Allah punya kuasa aq kena menunggu pulak..aq pun tunggu la, nasib baik makanan sedap..for 1 friggin' hour aq tunggu,nampak sangat Allah tak izin..aq pn fed-up tunggu and pegi layan movie cita Alvin & the Chipmunks.(by the way, cita tu tak best..what a waste of my 10bucks). then tengah tengok tu baru dia mengada-ngada datang..i am kind of piss off and biarkan je dia tunggu sampai cita habis..then lepas habis tu pulak aq yang kena pegi mencari pulak..arghhhh! so pergilah aq...and then there it was, and as if a lightning bolt struck my head and aq rasa Allah sayang gila kat aq time tu, i look at it and  i feel...NOTHING. not as how i feel before,completely nothing...i don't know why tapi Allah maha Besar, maybe there is something wrong with me or something is definitely wrong about it yang tetiba melenyapkan langsung segala apa rasa yang aq ada..until this very moment im writing,still i didnt feel anything anymore about it.but i am so grateful that Allah has led me into not committing and adding more sin and i feel so blessed right now..
Alhamdulillah..Thank You Ya Allah!!

Unusual...

today,

everything was far from usual

the glistening glare from the moving car window

the stationary tree leaves on a windy day

the gloomy sunflower on the desk corner

the tainted glass door

the black screen

the silent phone

me.

chidapunyasukala

The Garbage I Become..

This i quoted from a blog called iwrotethisforyou..nice one,

Now the TV's on at 3am and you're sleeping on the couch, because you can.

Now the plate is where you left it, no one else is going to move it for you.

Now the politics of blankets are gone.

Now the people on the radio sound so far away.

Now you've got no plans when you wake up, just keep on keeping on.

Now the morning fades to light, to twilight, to night.

Now you rinse and repeat.

Now you remove the sleeve and remove the film.

Now you remove the sleeve and pierce the film several times.

Now dinner takes exactly 2:30 minutes.

Now the earth hurtles through the universe around a giant ball of fire.

Now none of your acquaintances know they're really your only friends.

Now none of your friends know they're just acquaintances.

Now you've got to get used to being alone, like when you're born, like when you die.

Now you're free.

Now you can do whatever you want.

You just have to do it alone.

chidapunyasukala

Before I Met You..

before i met you,

time moves fast

days so soon last

anger unmanageable

sorrow uncontainable

words cannot be trust

mind seems began to rust

each second pass in waste

living life in such a haste

things were just things

life has little meaning

before i met you,

i never care much

i never felt touched

i always have doubts

i often wonder about

never felt that i am tough

never thought that i would be in love

but hey,

i told you,right?

that was before i met you..

chidapunysukala

Serunut!

tenet slow gila, eventhough bru topup quota..
nevertheless,something happen today that totally worth all the tiredly busy day..
ahhh,it made my day....
hoyeahhhh!

MEREKA~~

lame tak menulis..rasa kekok pulak nak start tulis balik..hmm,ok! tadi aq ada terbaca post kawan aq on facebook dan dia menulis pasal sorang perempuan cantik dengan nama Rara Zikry yang da meninggal..innalillahiwainnailaihirojiunn..
Tapi, sapa Rara Zikry?? 
Ok i admit memang da lama aq tak mengikuti perkembangan dunia melalui tv or surat khabar mahu pun surat layang. so, aq pun google la..and yang aq jumpa ceritanya dia koma sebabkan just a mild athma attack..then after dia sedar dari koma dia xleh gerak or cakap or kesimpulannya dia dah tak macam dia yang dulu and family dia ada plead untuk kos rawatan dia..n I was like.."Ohh..camtu"..
but then aq terfikir..kenapa kes dia sangat viral kt internet and media suma??
Aq just curious to know.....kalo die tak cantik macam tuh orang ramai ambik kisah tak??
Memang kecantikan dia tuh pemberian Allah,no doubt about that tapi as a human being aq ada perasaan ingin tahu,macam mana reaction semua orang terhadap kes dia nih..will it stll be like this??
Tapi daripada peng-google-an aq pun respond to case dia nih berbeza-beza..ramai yang simpati,tapi ada jugak sesetengah pihak yang tak tahu lah nak kata; dengki or apa-apa la yg cuba mencari semua kesalahan and keburukan dia untuk disebar kat internet,konon ank kata ape yg jadi kat dia tu sebagai pembalasan or yang sewaktu dengannya..whats the point and ape yang dorg dapat?aq pon tak tahu..
tapi bagi aq kisah dia nih tak sesedih kisah kawan aq sendiri yang aq kenal dan tengok perubahan awal dia sendiri depan mata aq..dia cute, kecil molek and sangat active dlm sports..suddenly lepas cuti sekolah dia balik semula ke asrama dengan muka membengkak ang kulit badan mengelupas..kalau duduk dekat dengan dia boleh nampak yg badan dia makin membengkak dan boleh nampak urat2 suma..then 2 bulan lepas tuh ada sorang member aq yang satu dorm dengan dia bagi tau aq yang dia ada penyakit sendi,and dia tak boleh bergerak.....and she only got to live until she's 18....ada satu malam tuh dia tak boleh bangun dari katil dia sendiri and she wet the bed..tapi dia tough,mulut sentiasa basah dengan zikir..her parents did a good job raising her as a muslimah..eventhough she's gone now - not at age 18 as said by the doctor,she's staying alive for a couple of years after - i hope and insyaAllah i pray for her for Allah to granted her(and my mom,*love u mak!)  Jannah.


Al-Fatihah to all of them..
-sooner or later i'll be joining all of you too...








chidapunyasukala

ntahla...

arituh aq tengok satu cerita kat tv9. tajuk dia "isteriku zulaikha". best cite nih. ada satu part dalam cita nih yang aq suka bilamana satu character (aq tak ingat nama dia apa tapi lakonan zul handyblack) tuh sebut satu ayat...

"jika Allah boleh memberikan seribu cinta dengan hanya satu pandangan pertama, Dia juga mampu menarik semula nikmat cinta itu dengan sejuta kebencian. so, ape yang dimegahkan sangat dengan cinta tu??"

betul. sangat-sangat betul dan aq rasa pernah terjadi kepada aq walaupun cinta@sayang aq tuh just antara kawan tapi situasi dia sama la. kalo dulu tido sebantal, makan share sesama, kemana pon sekali, gila pon sesama tapi now bila jumpa rasa tak de pape pn nak cakap.feel pon da tak 100% dah.. sumanya sebab kesilapan-kesilapan kecil yang dilakukan berulang2 kali  sehingga terjadinya satu kesilapan besar. hmm,ntahla...


tapi aq takde la benci dia, tak sampai tahap tu lagi....and takkan sampai kot insyaAllah..........




chidapunyasukala

Smosh..again!!!

di sini aq ingin maklumkan bahawa aq da abes tgk 1 channel smosh iaitu IanH. yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
dalam mase seminggu je sedar tak sedar aq da abes da tgk Ian Is Bored and Lunchtime w/ Smosh...ade la 100 lebih gak kot vid die...owh,and anthony padilla channel as well.. tu blom masuk vid from smosh channel lg, ..kompem pny la kene hamuk ngan bapak aq hujung bulan nanti...mesti bill letrik melambung tak hingat..haha,but what can i do?? i'm really adicted rite now..im a hardcore smosher, and i create my twitter account just to follow them...cheesy,aite? ya, i know.so everyone, beware if you ever want to try to watch smosh video...
don't say that i dont warn you...............


Smosh!



chidapunyasukala


p/s :: i'm jealous of Mari.....FiretrUCK her!

benda bodoh...

suma orang suka buat menda bodoh..aq pon tak terkecuali. sonok apa buat menda bodo ni, walaupon sendiri tau menda yang dibuat tuh bodo tahap gaban tapi still seronok untuk dibuat. benda bodoh yang aq addicted buat skarang nih adalah tengok Smosh. Smosh nih sangatlah best bagi orang2 yang suka menda bodoh + merepek + pokemon + guinea pig + makan + poop + yada yada...aq siap ROTFLOL (literally) tengok one of their earliest vid, lipsync pokemon pny theme. best ever....


kengkadang rase bodoh gak tengok orang buat mende bodoh tapi mende bodoh yang diorang buat mendatangkan $$$ buat diorang dan menghabiskan masa buat aq..whatever,






chidapunyasukala


p/s anthony padilla is hawt!!!!!!!!!owh, ian is quite okay thou...

A Heart Acts

this is one more piece that i wrote dated Sunday,21/12/08
i read it over and over again, 
and i think that it's good,ahaks!

This is an empty heart jots
A lot of spaces and empty spots
This is an aching heart rhyme
Will it be or not mend by time
This is an angry heart say
Will sorry put out the flame away
This is a lost heart wave
Is there a way for me that have been paved
This is a longing heart desire
with you, i am on fire
This is a desperate heart lures
Take me with you and i be yours
This is a confuse heart write
Will decision made be wrong or right
And this is the brave heart screaming
Fight for your love or die trying!

chidapunyasukala

Artist

thanks to the artist, wat susah2 je lukis gambo sye ni...(padahal dok pakse org lukis...)

 thanks gak sbab bg aq picnap sketch ko yg nih...i loikke dis one,

chidapunyasukala

e-mail..

pernah ade yahoo mail account?? kalo ade mesti korang perasan dulu dia pny sign-in box lain sket dengan yang skarang. mase 1st time aq bukak and tengok die da lain sket tuh,ada 1 benda yang aq paling notice skali; e-mail address sample die kat bawah tu.nak taw sbab pe??

itu e-mail address abang aq......

yes, free2rhyme@yahoo.com tu is my bro's e-mail add..

~~and sampai skrg pon die dok bangge lg,haish................

chidapunyasukala

Cantik.....?!

Aristotle called beauty "the gift of God"

Socrates called it "a short-lived tyranny"

Theophrastus, "a silent deceit"

Theocritus, "an ivory mischief"

Carneades, "a sovereignty which stood in need of no guards"

The beauty that addresses itself to the eyes is only the spell of the moment; the eye of the body is not always that of the soul."  

~George Sands~

Cantik. penting sangat ke?? for me, cantik itu subjektif dan cuma hanya pinjaman je."beauty is in the eyes of the beholder". sesetengah benda or orang yang kita anggap cantik tak semestinya cantik di mata orang lain. tapi, semua orang suka cantik. nak baju cantik, nk tengok pemandangan yang cantik, nak awek cantik, nak balak cantik (hensem), kalo boleh makan pun nak makanan yang cantik-cantik je hiasannye. kadang-kadang ade jugak sesuatu yang tak cantik tapi baik,bagus,elok, dan bernilai dari sudut yang lain. time-time camni orang akan cakap, "beauty is only skin deep".

“It is not beauty that endears, it's love that makes us see beauty”
~Tolstoy~

Does perfect beauty stand in need of praise at all?
Nay; no more than law, no more than truth,
no more than loving kindness, nor than modesty. 

~ Ibid ~ 

chidapunyasukala

Boss...

heavennye kalo dpt bg kt boss....

chidapunyasukala

Ashraf..

sedang aq menyelak2 buku nota untuk melayan blues menulis apa yg terbuku di otak, tetiba mata aku tertangkap sesuatu yg berwarna kunen.....

ntah bila masa hang letak sticker nama hang ni dlm buku aq ni, acap???haish...

hg sja nk bg  aq igt slalu kt ang la nih....huuu,rindu ni weyh!!!!!

sayangg,bile u nk blnje i mkn mcd sayangg??

ok,take care sayangg....

muahh muahh!

(harus diingatkan di sini bahawa "sayangg" diatas adalah bahasa  kod kami berdua..tidak boleh dikaitkan dengan sebarang kontrobesi waima apa2 gosip sekalipon..sekian harap maklom......)

chidapunyasukala

Like a cake...

u're like a cake

freshly baked

in the evening with pink coloured icing

                                                         u're like a cake
yummy cake
that i devour 
without thinking of sharing

    u're not as hard as a cookie

not  as creamy as mousse

not so hot like a souffle

u're the dessert i choose

way bigger than a cuppie      

softer than a fudge

moist and tender than any pastry

u're like a cake

perfectly made!

chidapunyasukala

Labyrinth..

Life is like a labyrinth..

u just have to know which path to take

sometimes,

u meet the dead end

but it's okay,

back to the start and choose the right way

don't stop,

and don't cheat your way to the top

believe,

for this obstacle's an easy test u can perceive

persevere,

and u may see your way out loud and clear..

chidapunyasukala

Notebook!

Ini la 'the notebook' yang aq mention in my previous post!! haha,nampak je kecik tp lps belek2 banyak jugak bende yang aq tulis dlm nih..dgn nota biologi pn ade...hehe

sgt syg buku nih sebab dalam die ade 1 conversation yang dulu aq n kengkawan panggil YM 

sebab ktorang sembang dgn care tulis dlm buku nih pastuh passing2,biasenye time cikgu tgh mengajar tak pon time2 kne dgr ceramah ke ape ke kt skolah...

mcm2 ade..and ade page yg aq sembang dengan ain(allahyarhamah) psl cite korea la,

psl cikgu la,..bile tgk miss kt die lak..

Allahyarhamah Zaitul Farain Baharudin

(1989-2007)

Al-Fatihah..

chidapunyasukala

YESTERDAY,TOMORROW,TODAY

i wrote this song last month...i love it,(duhh..) if i dont love my own art how can anyone else adore it, rite???

dont be stress

thinking of all troubles that we had

there's always been a way to handle it

don't be stuck inside with emotions

for there's thousand things can make you laugh and happy

just empty your thoughts and rest

and forget all the rest

live every seconds

make each seconds be the best

c/o

because yesterday was history

tomorrow is a mystery

so just enjoy the present that we have

today

yesterday has left already

tomorrow will there ever be

so cherish the moment now for eternity

because yesterday was just a past

tomorrow we can never tell

so live today just like its our last

yesterday was full of memories

tomorrow filled with our fantasies

lets make a blast in our lives today..!

chidapunyasukala

~MOSHI-MOSHI

Hello, hello

do u miss me so?

'cos i've been missing u so long,

so long, since the day you go

times crawling slow

as i sit right in front your door

waiting you...

i wait for you...

when u're away, the shiny day

makes me sad and blue

when u're away, don't wanna stay

take me along with you

i can't hardly say anything

when you are away

this is true,

I MISS YOU!

chidapunyasukala

OLD STUFF

i was going thru my stuff this morning and i found this little blue notebook that i used when i was in form 4. and then i belek-belek sket inside it and i found this piece of rhyme, (or whaTever u may call it) that i wrote...

it kinda sound catchy,haha

every seconds fly

every minutes passed by

every hour bid good bye

every days gone with a smile

every weeks fill with laughter

every months the bond gets better

every years we spend together

every moments and moments after

every time i be in blue

i know u're there for me 

and i'll be there for u...

chidapunyasukala

trimas kawan-kawan...

aku sgt 'terharu' dan 'tergaru' dgn kawan2 yang sangat 'care' dengan aq yang telah dengan sukacitanya 'menolong' aq yang tengah dalam distress se-distress2 nya. dikala waktu urgent itu aq telah meminta sesuatu dari mereka dan mereka dengan 'berbesar hati' telah 'menjawab' distress call aq itu dan 'memberikan' apa yang aq minta.

dan oleh sebab itulah dengan 'jaya' nya aq melayakkan diri untuk tidak meneruskan pengajian aq di semester depan...'KUDOS' untuk mereka yang telah 'membantu' melakar masa dpn aq...

aq sgt 'bangga' ad "kawan" cam korang.......

gataii!!

ngeee~~~~
tadi aq pegi pasar malam,dengan tak semena2 mata aq tertangkap 1 mamat hot gila jalan depan aq.huyyoooooooo!!!!!(droolin'...) ang yang tak boley blah nya aq dengan tak sengaja dek kehot-an mamat yg hot lg stylo itu bila dia lalu ja sebelah aq dengan otomatiknya tanpa disengajakn terkeluar aq bersuara,

"auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugaaa!!!"

gatai nya aq..!!

CITY CODE:PEN

after several weeks of hiatus..aku menulis lagi...
hurm.........hehe,xtaw nk tulis apa sbnanye...just excited nk pegi penang sok!!!!!!nk membawa hati yang lara,.ececececeh....lara la sgt,xlara la ,sebal..hari hari kena jadi fake,ingt aq nih fakers ka pa??anyways..to hell with all that for a while...mood skarang::kite enjoyyyy!!!penang,here i come...........................

(................kawan kawan,tolong hiburkan hati saye ye.............)

to all readers,

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!!!!!!!

i let it all out..

tersengguk-sengguk aq smlm,
thanks babe for lending me d shoulder 4 a while
eventhough i just grab it without asking..hehe,
u noe who u r...
rsenye dats it kot...no more reminiscing,or texting or whutsoeva..
ngokngek je...mud spoiler dikala kehappy-an!
u txt me like u want me,n im kinda starting to want u,
n when i do want u,n u noe it already
u'r back with a person who diss u bfore
n u r seeking for my advice on how to console her also
wadafak??pnat je aq wt mke x malu confess (walaupon ko x tgk mke aq face 2 face pn mse confess tu kn coz i jz txt u)
tp still malu jgk,x kire!!
now im sober..n for real.
period.

^_____________________________^

"Aishah (RA) reported that she asked Allah's Messenger (SAW) "O Messenger of Allah! If I knew which night is Laylat ul Qadr, what should I say during it? And he instructed her to say Allahuma innaka ‘afuwwun tuhibbul ‘afwa fa ‘afu ‘anni, O Allah You are the Most Forgiving; You love to forgive so forgive us."

' InshaAllah, I will come online after the end of Ramadan as I want to refrain from unnecessary chat and spending time on internet. You have a nice pic. But I didnt look much. In this Ramadan I have two important goals among others. To read the whole Quran at least once and lower my gaze from looking at women, especially on the street. And especially u...'

........hehe,dan aq pun tersenyum sendiri, :D

u

right now im eating...with tearss in my eyes..~sigh,so hard to forget him..trying to..but its hard..damnn im so messed up..pretending like nothing happen..its hard..with my sis with her flowery hearts around..its hard..texting during working hour..its hard..haish,
u,i bkn nk lari..but i just hv to avoid u..coz d longer i stay friends with u the more heartbroken i get..now u starting to treat me as a luvdoc..whut da????please forgive me,k...

pesanan buat kekasih-kekasih

TO NONOI::
........i hope u find happiness in ur life,i really do..

TO ACAP::
........be brave acap.chances to love dont come easily so grab it while you can..

TO EPUL::
.........take good care of the one that u have for it may gone in a split second.dont take her for granted..

TO SRI::
.........please think of urself 1st before others.its hard to find a person who love u for who u are and u should be grateful that person found u already..

TO SYED::
.........easy,babe.go slow..if she's not meant for u she'll never be urs n vice versa.u're a great guy.u'll find ur perfect fit soon enough.chillex..

TO ZUL::
..........its hard to forget d people that once we gave all our heart to.but like they say,time heals..

TO ANUM::
..........take care,anum.iknow u know what u r doing n d decision is all up to u.think wisely n dont get hurt..

TO FARHANA::
..........life aint fare,so do love.so appreciate things dat u have before going after things that sounds promising coz u may end up with nothing in ur hand..

TO MYSELF::
..........B E L I E V E..

Love Is A Losing Game

"Love Is A Losing Game"

 For you I was a flame

Love is a losing game

Five story fire as you came
 Love is a losing game

While I wish I'd never played

Oh what a mess we made

And now the final frame

Love is a losing game

Played out by the band

Love is a losing hand

More than I could stand

Love is a losing hand

Self professed... profound

Till the chips were down

...know you're a gambling man

Love is a losing hand

Though I'd bet on blind

Love is a faith resign

Memories mar my mind

Love is a faith resign

Over futile odds

And laughed at by the gods

And now the final frame

Love is a losing game

WHERE IS MY HEART NOW?

WHERE IS MY HEART NOW?
Last time I took it out and give it to sumone
He take good care of it
He filled it with love that it never empty
He holded it tight that it never cold
He cleaned it up that it never dirty
He kept it near his so it wont go lost
He light it up that it never dark
but suddenly,he gave it back to me
coz he’s not able to look for it anymore
for he’s going sumwhere n coming back is never assure
I take it back,my heart
But I don’t know how to nurture it
So I just locked it in a hollow space inside my chest
N when to open it,I myself can’t guess
Then came sumone with a key
He filled a bit to my heart that almost empty
He warm a bit to my heart that almost icy
He wash a bit my heart that became dirty
He show me the path where I suppose to be
He open the chest n light the pitch
N at last again I took my heart out
Thinking that he can shelter it with no doubt
then I’ve been struck by lightning
coz he say he’s already take a heart to his caring
n now my heart is out there
sumwhere without a care
all I know now is
its empty
cold
dirty
dark
and lost…….

sigh~~~~

And I thought the worst day has passed..
Yet there’s more to come..

When I thought the worst is over ..

Yet its still there waiting to be found..

i already have a glance of ‘is thought,.

not that I have a power to predict..

nor in people’s mind I can read..

I know it by heart ..

That im just not the apple of ‘is eyes..

Nor the thorn on ‘is rose..

Not even the blooming flower that can melt ‘is ‘art..

I am just a mat..

Where he can lean on when he feel sad..

Where he lie on when he is mad..

Or just sit on and stare at..

And he can step on when he feel bad..

N just pass by when not needed..

Anytime,any place coz I’ll be there always..

But I never mind those..

Because at least I know..

He’ll come to me sooner or later..

When he need me to lie on,lean on, sit on and even step on..

I don’t care..

I will always be there..

AKU KECEWA...

sedihnya......
i've been hurt so bad...
without ever making a move i already feel like being rjected from the beginning...
huuuuuuuuuuu........
rase mcm hati aq kne koyak2..
da rabak dah ni...
~, _ ,~
dat's why i never confess...
it just take a text to know that u'r someone else's property
n i know i can never trade place with that sumone..
sakit!!!!!!
sangat rase cam jantung kne stab..
leh kne heart attack aq kalo cmnih...

i guess this is how it feels like bila putus cinta....

yeay!!

at last...finally!!

aq da dpt nombor miss raha!!!! OMG im so happy and thanks to pak awie for still remembering this 'cookie monster' and giving me miss raha's number.hehee......

sape miss raha??die ni cam mak aq la kat johor dulu.she care bout me.n she always belanja aq makan.there's one time,sebab aq cite kat die makanan dining hall tak sedap die siap boleh datang cari aq kat kelas pukul 2 (sbab aq ske lepak kat klas tgu time prep,malas nak balik dorm) and tapaukan nasi untuk aq..siap lukis smiley lagi atas polisterin tuh..gila terharu la aq dibuatnya.bukan tuh ja,dulu dia suruh aq jadi storyteller tetiap petang.and so,pergila aq ke bilik warden tuh bercerita kat p.a system almost everyday..n setiap petang jugakla die akan datang for my storytelling session tuh.miss raha,miss raha...die belikan aq 1kg mango,time tuh puan saidah (pkhem) ada sekali,n dia mintak la sebijik 2 then miss raha kata,"i buy this for her,nvrmind..i'll buy u sum other time,ok?!"aq pon sengih je la kt puan saidah.....

i love miss raha,she always pursue me to do things that i am not confident to do.she gave me confident and convince me that i am more than i think i am.for instance,she sign me up for the international english language league held by university of new south wales,australia (UNSW) n i end up at no.64 (which i think is great coz its international).n 1 thing that i cannot forget is harry potter.yes people,HARRY POTTER. she have this complete collection of harry porter and she keep on asking me to read it.at that time i was like,'i dont like harry porter'.so i refuse the harry potter collection and i take her Chicken Soup for The Soul books. she let me borrow her books,n even let me take it home during school holiday. i remember that book;Chicken Soup for The Teenage Soul.she gave it for me to read during holiday and she stay at school until night to gave the book to me and send me to the bus station.sape tak terharu orang layan baik camtuh..haish,then balik umah je aq tros bace that book until page 159 ade satu post-it note tulis happy hols n ade la lg yg die tulis..best sgt2 time tuh n aq simpan note tuh smpai now..nseb baek la aq bca,kalo aq x bca kompem x jmpa note tu n kalo pulang blk buku tuh with the not mesti kantoi yang aq x baca..hee,.

aq lama da tak jumpa dia,even time last day aq kat skola tu dulu pon aq x inform dia pon aq nak pindah..aq xleh..kawan aq bgtaw yang after aq pindah tu dia datang bawak nasi kat aq time rehat,n tanya aq pegi mana.dia tkejut gila..aq da pindah pon dia still bawak nasi kat aq..haish,then ptg tuh dia call aq,sedih gila rasa..n that was the last time i spoke to her..rsa neves lak nk call dia ni...tp xpa,da call nt aq tulis pa creta..

signing off..

290810

can i face the day?
can i? can i?
can i stand still dat day?
can i talk?can i walk?
can i speak?can i laugh or shout?
am i able to?
can i run away from dat day?
can i skip forward?or can dat day not exist?
or can i be sumwhere,where dat day not exist?
can i act like there's nothing happen dat day?
can i just let it go down the drain?
can i? can i?
can i pretend that i don't know that

i can't?